This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
