do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
