I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
