Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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