Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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