As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
