2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
