Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
