If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
