So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
