HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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