And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
