So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
