Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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