He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
