Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
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