for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
