I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
