no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
