i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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