I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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