I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
