Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
