Your dad touched me again.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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