it's too hot outside to masturbate.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
