its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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