I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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