Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
