***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
