Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
