my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
