Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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