Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
