I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
