Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
