we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
