take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
