Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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