Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i wish my penis had a tongue
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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