She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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