You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
