You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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