White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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