After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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