Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
