Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
