There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
