the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
