Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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