if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
