Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm having to shit out rocks
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
