Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
