whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
