Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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